Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Dear friend,

Someday you are going to go away
And I'm going to have to say goodbye
To you
My friend, To you.

Goodbye to those sweet moments
Goodbye to that laughter
To the sound of your voice
To being a part of your life

Someday you are going to start a new life
And leave behind memories of the days spent with you
Someday you are going to say "keep in touch"
Someday you are going to go away

Someday you are going to hug me
Kiss me and say b-bye
And I'm going to have to smile
And wave back at you.

And I'm going to have to say goodbye
To you
My friend, To you.

Someday you are going to call me to say you are leaving
Someday I am going to ask you where you are going
If you are going to return
And someday, I'm goin to cry

And I'm going to have to say goodbye
To you
My friend, To you.

Saying Goodbye

We talked about all the laughs we’d shared. The moments we spent thinking up crazy ideas. Silly poems. The tears we’ve shed on each others shoulders. The fights. The crazy stupid fights that made us cry then and those that make us laugh now. The guys and gurls we met. The ones we hated and the ones we loved. We talked about the bike rides. The wind in our hair and a song on our lips. About the times spent high. In hostel rooms and by the river side. About the dancing and the eating. And the millions of cups of coffee consumed. We talked about guitars and drums. About songs sung and promises made. The trips taken and love declared. About lists upon lists made. Of plans and dreams.

Of dreams coming true. And happiness. The future.

And we hugged, for the last time. And said Goodbye.

Stuck in a Void

Life is changing and I don't like it.

All my life i have always known what was the next step going to be. It has always come to me...instinctively. I haven't ever made lists of pros and cons. I havent ever sat down and thought about things. I have just always known. It may mean I may have gone down some wrong paths and made some mistakes. But I have never really regreted many of those. If you stray, you correct your path. And the moment to change paths, moment to move, have also been known to me. By instinct. Always.

And suddenly I am not getting those traffic signals in my head. GO? NO GO? I suddenly don't -just know. For years I knew what came next. And if I didnt know what was going to happen 5-10 years from then, it didn't bother me. It was exciting. It was a time and space of unlimited possiblities. It was the rush of knowing that anything can happen.

But now the not knowing is scary. Not knowing the chart for the next 5-10 years is scary. I don't feel in control and I don't like it. Life is happening around me. But it isn't touching me. Things are moving all around me. But I'm not making it happen. I'm not hearing that voice in my head that gives me directions. I am living. But I'm not making life happen.

Even my dreams have become blurry. Is it just that I have become cynical? Or is it that I'm refusing to deal with change?

I would like to say that I'm standing my unlimited roads in front and my traffic lights are switched off...but the real frightening thing is that I don't even see the roads.

I'm stuck in a Void. And I can't see out.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Weekend Mania-II

Saturday 12th May

Played Maushi(Aunt)

Spent a great 2 days playing with my niece.
Actually it was more of her playing with me. Coz I was the dog in the fetch game.
She would throw whatever was in her hand. And my part in the game was to go fetch it from wherever she had thrown it.

Now she has grasped the game pretty well.
Because we were playing this with a tennis ball. We were sitting on the floor at the congruence of 4 rooms. We had chosen this particular position so that she could keep an eye on her mom who was having lunch at the table. As long as she knew her mom was nearby she could benefit others with her attention.

So anyways, I tried as far as possible to get her to throw the ball where I could stop it with my arms and legs. And I tried to sit where I could block the entrance to 1 room at least. So I wouldn't have to get up and fetch. But the little madam, used to pause for a minute, look around, survey the landscape of difficult to reach places. And then throw it exactly where I would have to struggle to fetch it. And then she'd flash her toothy mischievous grin at me. And this went for an hour or so. I managed to teach her the words “catch” and “throw”. Of course she pronounces them as “K-aa” and “OOO”. But its good enough I say.

Another brilliant thing about her is that she walks like she’s very very drunk. And she also insists on following her mom (my sis) around the house. So my sis is hurrying around doing some work, and little miss drunk is hobbling along trying to catch up. And behind her is me. Trying to ensure she doesn't suddenly fall and bang her head somewhere. So that’s how we went all round the house. Just when the munchkin would manage to reach the room my sis was in; my sister would have finished her work there and would run to the other room. And the entire procession would turn around and start hobbling back in our drunken state.

She also loves to dance. And she has particular choice regarding which songs she will dance on. Hence we must sing whichever bollywood song she favours currently for her so that she can dance. It’s a different story that she insists on dancing even before she can walk properly.

So all in all a fun filled two days.

Oh yes, I also taught her how to blink cutely/flirtingly accompanied by her sly smile. I have a feeling my sis isn’t going to like the kind of education I insist on imparting.

Weekend Mania-I

Friday 11th May

"Played" Tennis

So finally went to play tennis on Friday evening after work, after a gap of some 10 years.
Of course I sucked! I made a complete fool of myself!

For one, I wasn't following the basic principle of the racquet connecting with the ball. I mean I tried, but my hand and eye are currently supporting different ideologies. Hence they refuse to see eye to eye with each other, or eye-to-hand in their case. Basically they hadn't heard of hand eye co-ordination at all.

Secondly, my arm muscles refused to behave like respectable arm muscles should. Either the ball would go flop into the net or it'd behave like it was starring in “I’m leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again..." And we were actually left wondering when they would return.

I ran all over the court without even coming close to the ball sometimes. I looked like a raving lunatic most of the time.

But I had FUN!!!

There were these moments, actually 2-3 moments when the ball connected perfectly with the center of the racquet, that were out of this world. All those who actually play tennis, and do this on a regular basis would understand this feeling.

There is this soft twang sound when the two connect. You know you've connected perfectly. You know the face of the racquet was at the correct angle. You know the ball is going to go the other court and remain inside. It’s a perfect feeling.

And I actually had 2 or 3 of these!!

I felt so great at the end of the day. Muscles I didn’t know existed were crying for attention like spoilt kids. I could hardly walk straight. My hamstrings and calf muscles were stretched beyond recognition. And I felt great!!!

Now, many of you may think that just because I lacked basic human qualities of co-ordination and because I made such a big fool of myself, I should stay away from the tennis court. But somehow I have never quite grasped the idea that you can learn something without making a fool of yourself. So I’m going to go back, and keep behaving like an imbecile till I learn how to do it with class.

Tennis rocks! I may not remember how to play it yet, but it still rocks!

Monday, May 07, 2007

Conversations over Coffee

A bitter sweet taste
Some moments in time
Some memories made
And Conversations over coffee

I've just finished writing some conversations over coffee.

Have your moments of conversation over coffee here.

Happy Anniversary!

2 years and a week ago. A girl and a boy met. There was laughter, joy, shared memories from a life ago. There were sparks, electricity. There was wit and wisdom. And there was love. This boy and girl have been together for 2 years now. And are going to be married soon.

I didn't know what I could write for them..so I decided to go with some memories from my Gmail inbox. These are from mails from M to me.

i) M had written this on 17th May 2005:

"I have gone mad.... Look what I am doing in office on a busy day!!!

The day parched, my Skin burnt,
Battered by my latest storm I walked
Till a river long forgotten sprung forth
That mist under the fountain called you.

My body felt your soothing cool
I told myself, What fools mirage is this?
but you persisted and I believed
in that mist under the fountain called you"

Here's another thing from M:

"Wanna send these lyrics to D.... what say??...

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you" "

And here's something I had written to her 2 years back in May:

May the happiness in your laughter last forever
May the love that you've found grow each day
May each day bring you new reasons to smile
May the wind blow to you bundles of joy
And may the "happily ever after" come true for you.

There are little things in our everyday lives that make us smile indulgently through our worries. Once in a while there are moments that make you want to scream out in joy from the top of the Washington monument. These are the moments which make one all warm and fuzzy inside and realize that the world is GOOD!!!I dunno about you but this is that moment for me. I am so happy for you babe.

Today: Ditto.
Happy Anniversary M & D.
Keep it up :-D

The scrathed scab

A scar on my neck
Long forgotten
A gift wrapped with love
Stashed away in dark corners

A friendship
Lost long ago
A relationship
Left behind

Apologies unsaid
Memories stored away

Years have passed
The scrath has healed
The blood has stopped

An apology arrives
The gift is remembered
The friend says thanks

The memories return
Words are repeated
Even though the scar is no more
The scab is scratched

Wednesday, May 02, 2007


My eyes bored into him
I looked at his eyes
The way they shifted side to side

I looked at the curve of his lips
the hesitant smile
the genuine grin sometimes
the sparkle in the eyes then

I eyes bored into him
trying to read his life
His past, his fears, his secrets
I wondered what he was thinking

Sometimes our eyes met
I could tell that he was aware
He could tell that I was stripping him down
Laying naked his soul

His eyebrows would meet for a passing second
And then he'd turn around to hide himself
My eyes followed him around the room
Seeking a key to the mystery that was him

I had a curious interest in learning his story
We didnt speak at all
But I wished I could know all about him
Just by looking at him

And we went our seperate ways
And even now
What remains with me
Is that desire to know his story

Know Me

I will laugh and joke
I will have all the time to spare
I will listen
But, I will not show how much I care

I will talk
Of the clouds and the sky
I will think
About you and I
Yet, I will not let you know
That I like you so

I will be strong
The strength will show
There be doubts and fears
But you will never know

You will understand me
But yet you won't know me
You may never see me cry
Still, I will be I

I will be there
To listen, If you ever need me
When I call you because I need to
We will still talk of just the mountains and the sea.

You will like me
But always at an arm's length
You will think I don't care
Because of my "strength".