Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I have mail. From you.

What will NY152 say today I wonder.

I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it connects.

I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words:

You've got mail.

I hear nothing. Not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beating of my own heart.

I have mail. From you.

Kathleen Kelly (You've got mail)

No Smoking!

There in a Cafe Coffee Day(CCD) stall in my office that serves 90 ml size glasses of tea/coffee, some milkshakes and a few pattices and sandwiches. This CCD stall is located in the midst of a beautiful green lawn , shady trees and a, yes its true, a well.
So logically it figures, this had become the most popular place for a smoke. Everyday at any hour you could see group of smokers standing around or sitting on the wall of the well, having their smoke and lemon tea around the CCD even though there are designated smoking areas elsewhere.

Eventually, my office administration did, what any office administration would do. It put up a "No Smoking" board right next to the CCD stall.

Now, the people in my office are very law-abiding. They also strive to be extremely accurate.

Now, you will never see anybody smoking in front of the "No smoking" board.

They all smoke behind the CCD stall, always keeping at least a 3 feet distance from the "No Smoking" board.

We are very conscientious about our rules.

N.a.k.e.d Women

This is surprisingly about, yes you guessed it, naked women. I'm going to try to de-mystify the mystery that is an only womens parlour or the only women section of unisex parlours. Here I am talking about those that don't have sepearet cubicles/ rooms for each person.

There are basically 2 types of women in a parlour and no, it is not a completely clothed woman and one that is, well, not. The two types are actually based on the reaction of women when they are half n.a.k.e.d, in towels and robes.

If any of you men need to take a break, go for a walk, please feel free to at this time.

Anyways, back to the parlour.
One type of woman is the type that that an absolute strange woman has seen all the excess fat in their body, there is not much to hide anyways. This type will normally get very talkative and will want to discuss all her life with you right there, while both of you are sitting or lying down in awkward positions.

Now if you are the other type of women, who will prefer not to make eye contact with other skimpily dressed women, who have seen areas of your body that are not made for public consumtion, this can extremely disconcerting.

Typically you would be trying very hard to feign interest in the glossy in front of you which describes in detail how katrina kaif takes care of her skin, while some vindictive lady pours burning hot molten wax on you and devices new methods of soothing your skin before surprise! yanking off the wax strip. So, you are faking this concentrated reading exercise. (We women, are good are faking quite a few things, as you can see.) At the same time you are squeezing your eyes shut half the time to block out the pain.

The pain here is the waxing pain, and not the lady nearby telling you about her issues.

As you might have guessed by now, I fall in the category of "i'll pretend i can't see your thigh and you pretend not to see me". So I absolutely hate it when other women nearby will stare at you when you are undergoing some procedure.

Look, I am not sympethetic by nature. And I am not a good listener. Especially not when I am lying down in a robe, at my most vulnerable while some woman pours hot wax on my inner thigh. Small tip: Any time hot wax is being poured on my skin or hair is being pulled out by its roots from it, it's not a good time to talk to me about your business or your son's school. Honestly I am not listening.

This would also not be a good time to call me. You can SMS me. Yes. I can SMS back comfortably. It distracts me. its good. But no calls. Even if you are getting married and call to tell me, our conversation from my end will be like this: oh! con--aaaa--gratu--aaa-lations. I am -- oww-- so happyyyyyyy--eeeee--- for you. Look--hey, thats hot-- can I call you later--HAAAUUUTT---i'm in the middle of something.

Please hang up at this time. What you hear after this, will not be pretty.

I know I haven't written too much about the type who likes to talk, but thats because I don't understand the urge. Its probably because you trying not to think of the parlour lady, who is ever so gently spreading that golden wax on your skin and then patting in onto the skin, with a sense of nurturing that borders on a mother putting a child to sleep...shes lulling you into the sense of security. However after years of experience you know, its the calm before the yank. So you're probably talking to keep your mind off it.

But seriouslly, read about what is troubling teenaged girls today. beyond polite conversation.


The Seven deadly or cardinal sins are described as follows:
  1. Lust: perversion
  2. Gluttony: waste, overindulgence
  3. Greed: treachery, covetousness
  4. Sloth: laziness, sadness, apathy
  5. Wrath: anger, hatred, rage, assault, violence, prejudice, discrimination
  6. Envy: jealousy, malice
  7. Pride: vanity, arrogance, narcissism

So which one are you NOT guilty of?

Oh, c'mon, don't be shy now.

Since there could be no answers to the question posed, on recommendation, the question has been changed to:

Which one are you MOST guilty of?

Inside Jokes

One of the most wonderful thing about any family are the inside jokes. Nobody outside the family understands them and they probably aren't even funny, when taken out of context. But they probably hark back to an incident or a time when they were funny for the family involved.

Like, for instance, my dad and uncle had taken a fascination, years ago for this very sidey govinda number called "what is mobile number". At that time they sang it all the time whenever someones phone rang. Even though it has lost its frequency (thank gawd for that), they still occasionally burst out singing "what is mobile number, what is your style number" when someone mentions the words "mobile number" or something similar. Most people would not find it amusing that 2 men of 47-57 are singing (and i use the term loosely here) govinda songs. But its still very funny for everybody in the family. We roll our eyes and scream loudly and create a din to drown out the song.

Another one like this, is a dialogue from the anil kapoor-madhuri-anupam kher starrer Khel. Its a crazy movie about 3 con artists. In this movie there is dialogue which madhuri says to prem chopra which goes something like this : "I love you balwant uncle, you know it!" And its said in a very musical voice with a nasal twang. And my dad and I still identify this movie by this dialogue. So if someone were to say Khel, we would suddenly scream out " I love you balwant uncle, you know it!". This is when the other people would silently move to another corner of the room, and conspire on how exactly we should be taken to get treatment. But the fact is that for us Khel would always be the movie in whcih we love balwant uncle and you know it!

Another one involves a prank played on my cousin Aditi. Let me set the context here. It was Gudi Padwa (Maharashtrian new year). On this occasion the Gudi is hoisted is every house for the day. Now on one particular Gudi Padwa, my uncle was removing the Gudi at the end of the day. My cousin was standing nearby. So my uncle tells her, that part of the tradition is that she must take the Gudi along with the pole, hold it upright in her hands (like a flag) and circle the house on the outside, with it 3 times. Since my uncle tends to come up with ideas like this often, she didn't believe him so when our aaji came out, Aditi asked her. If my uncles a prankster, my aaji was... well...the mother of pranksters. With a perfectly straight face, she tells my cousin, that not only is she supposed to circle the house, but she must also chant "Jai Gudi, Jai Gudi" as she walks. Not one to doubt the granny, in all solemnness, Aditi holds the gudi upright, and will all the seriousness befitting a commander of defence forces, she starts marching forward, screaming "Jai Gudi, Jai Gudi!!" at the top of her voice.
She had walked an entire length of the house, before she turned around and saw aaji and uncle doubled up in laughter.
Ever since that day, whenever Gudi Padwa is mentioned and Aditi is around, the whole family in one voice starts chanting "Jai Gudi! Jai Gudi".

I guess the closeness in our family is symbolized by the number of inside jokes.

The jokes I've written about might not seem very hilarious to readers, but what can I say, they are inside jokes.

Monday, August 20, 2007

All this nothing

Did we say anything of consequence?

We giggled, we laughed
Bitched and bantered

We ate, we drank
We danced and sang

We basked in the sun
We sheltered under trees in the rain

I joked about sulking
You pretended to negotiate

We said hellos and goodbyes
And in between, sat around doing nothing

In the immortal words of "You've got mail":
"All this nothing has meant so much more to me than so many somethings"


I have a friend who writes (or at least used to write) anonymous comments on my blog. He "confessed" to me this weekend about writing them. I am thrilled. It so completely adorable. To have someone who knows you write nice things about your secret.

These were the comments.

“Its a very cute and at the same time a poignant note, a difficult balance to manage. Good stuff
Note in the Margin By Anonymous 11:38 AM

“im not too much into reading blogs ...... infact urs is the only one i have read so far ... but i must say this u do write very well.... if words are a window to a persons soul i will say this ur a very beautiful soul .... keep writing girl
Note in the Margin By Anonymous 9:12 AM

Thanks Anonymous. Loved it.

What is intelligence, Anyway?

Found this link:
What Is Intelligence, Anyway? -- Isaac Asimov

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I did digital painting :-)

Thanks to Artpad

Earth: Warming and Bloody (NanditaM circa 2007)
(Also known as Red Earth in art circles)

Corners of Goa (NanditaM circa 2007)

You can click on the images for a full size view. Click, i say, click. :-)

Monday, August 13, 2007

He blogs but he doesn't bite...

With a nod to Gawker I found this, at a link Gawker had linked to :

“Research on animals and humans suggests mentally challenging activities such as playing bridge, learning a new language or even blogging might help build new connections in the brain, says Molly Wagster at the National Institute on Aging, part of the National Institutes of Health.”

I'm a little confused here about how "research on animals" is being done here with regards to "playing bridge, learning a new language, blogging"...especially the latter.

The blogging world is no longer safe...It's a jungle out there.

A layman’s guide to lift psychology and psychoanalysis

I have researched the subject of what people do in the lift (elevators). After careful study of human behaviors and lift psychology, I am now ready to publish my findings. Without boring you with cumbersome numbers (this might be because I don’t have any) I’m going to give you a… let us call it: “A layman’s guide to lift psychology and psychoanalysis”.

Firstly, let us observe the runner/ sprinter. This is the person, who observes from far away that the lift doors are about to close and will make a wild dash towards the doors, at the same time gesturing wildly for some angelic soul to press the button to hold the doors open. Normally, somebody will do this and the runner/ sprinter will make it in. What is funny at this point, is that this person will now start pressing the “Close doors immediately button” with a vengeance, thus negating any chance the other runners (or we could call them sprinters too, if you like) had of entering the lift. It’s amazing how their thoughts change the moment they are on the inside.

But of course, what is more interesting is the behavior of the people in the lift as soon as the doors are closed. After much deliberation, we have classified these people based on their behavioral patterns. Let me put this to you simply without using too much psycho-babble or jargon.

Now, firstly we have the lift carriers. These are the people which actually make the lift work. They are the ones who will diligently and with a one minded focus stare at the ceiling when the lift is going up and at the floor when it’s going down. They are mind-freaks, who with the power of their minds transport the heavy metal box upwards and downwards. Oh, how we are grateful. Without them, we would just be a bunch of people standing in a metal box to pass the time.

The 2nd category of people is the foot-fetish group. These are the people who will spend the entire time analyzing and collecting data on the feet and shoes of the people in the lift. There will endeavor to be impartial. They will give adequate time and attention to each pair of shoes. They will even do quick comparisons to their own shoes.
Now bear in mind, this group must not be confused with the mind freaks who are staring at the floor to get the lift to descend. Though these 2 groups might exhibit similar characteristics, one can tell them apart after extensive study.

The 3rd category is the zombies. This group stares straight ahead at the lift doors. They wait with an impassive calm for their floor to arrive. They will not move when other floors arrive, but instead continue to stare ahead in a zombie like manner. As their floor arrives, they will awaken from their stupor and lurch forward in to the “outside”. This group is still under study, and we are trying to find conclusive evidence as to their thought patterns.

The above 3 groups are found universally and abundantly. However, recently a 4th group has emerged. This is a more specialist group found in institutions and organization which have name tags.

For the understanding of those not grounded in the subject of lift psychology, let us call them name tag inspectors. The members of this group will undertake an investigation of name tags in the lift. First they will stare at other lift members name tags. In case they cannot make out the letters, they will crane their necks and narrow their eyes and peer till they make out the name. Now most name tags are situated on the thorax region of the body or when hung, on the belly-ous region or most disturbingly in the case of many men on their belts in the front. Hence the incessant peering at the name tag can sometimes cause quite a bit of suspicion. However the inspector is not dissuaded by such minor concerns. If there a photo as well, the inspector will then stare at the photo and then at the actual person’s face, in order to compare the two, to check for signs of ageing or weight gain, etc. We are eagerly awaiting their findings.

In conclusion, this study opens up a plethora of advertising space opportunities. Lift ceilings, floors, doors, name tags, people’s shoes, stomachs and crotches.

To order the full report mail me at

Friday, August 10, 2007

The Wonder Years

What would you do if I sang out tune?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
I will try not to sing out of key, yeah

Today, I saw a rainbow

As the bus rolled to a stop,
I saw out of the front glass

And I saw an stole
A stole stretched
Around the shoulders
Of grey clouds

A rainbow
Spread across a canvas of grey

Bright and soft colours
Pink and Mauve
Yellow and blue
Red and violet

Starting from one cloud
And reaching out to another
A backdrop
To caves of steel and glass

The bright greens
The lit and unlit hills
All paling in comparison
To this sweep of colours

I traced each colour
with my finger, from
one end to the other
Feeling the color on my skin

Today, I bathed
In sunlight and in rain
And in colour

Today, I saw a rainbow
I didn't search today
It came to me

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Today, I searched for a rainbow

Today, I searched for a rainbow
Against the light blue background
Sprinkled with fluffy white

Today, I searched for colours
In the midst of mixing white and grey
Amongst light and dark

Today I looked around me
With little drops on my eyelids
And warmth on my ears

Today I stopped to gaze
At bright wet green hilltops
Dotted by darker hues of greens

Today, I searched for a rainbow
And I smiled to myself
Bathed in sunlight and rain.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

200 questions...are you kidding me!!!???

200. My Middle Name Is:Don’t have one.

199. I was born in:Mumbai

197. My cell phone company is:NOKIA

196. My eye color is:Black

195. My shoe size is:6

194. My ringtone is:Vibrating…

193. My height is:5 Ft. 3.5”

192. I am allergic to:Artificial people

190. I live in:Pune

189. The last book I read:Catcher in the rye

188. My bed is:Wide

187. Are you happy with your life? I'm loving it!

186. Last person to send you a text message:Aush

184. AIM or MSN or Yahoo! or gtalk:Gtalk

183. Do you email:That’s what I get paid for.
I get email…I exist.

182. How is the weather today:Overcast and breezy

181. Do you have your wisdom teeth:No

180. Ever been to Disney World:No

179. My favorite holiday is:Exploring a new place, meeting lots of new people

178. The perfect kiss is:Sudden and gentle..i think...

177. The last three cds I bought:Don’t buy CDs

176. Last song that made you cry:None really…

170. What did you do yesterday?Woke up came to work…worked… went home ate….listened to a friend playing the guitar on the phone…read harry potter…slept


142. Love at first sight?No

141. Luck?Yes

140. Fate?No

139. God?Antagonistic

138. Aliens?Just myself

137. Heaven?Been there done that

136. Hell?Been there done that too

135. Ghosts?No

134. Horoscopes?No

133. Soul mates?I would like to


129. Hugs or Kisses?Both

127. Phone or Online?Phone

126. Redheads or Black Hair?Black Hair

125. Blondes or Brunettes?Brunettes

124. Hot or Cold?The combination I think…a hot mug of coffee on a cold day, a cool drink on a hot day

123. Summer or winter?Winter

122. Sun or Rain?Rain definitely

121. Chocolate or Vanilla?Neither

120. Night or Morning?Night

119. Oranges or Apples?Oranges

120. Straight or Curly hair?Straight


101. Saw someone I hadn't seen in a while?Last weekend

100. Cried in front of someone:2005

90. Who is the ditziest person you know:Mua

89. Who makes you laugh the most:Mostly myself…and… Baba, Abhi, Mals, Aush

87. The last movie you saw:Die Hard 4.0

82. The thing I don't understand:People

80. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever received:Hmmmm…

79. The things I plan on doing this season is:Playing the flute more, blogging more frequently, traveling

74. The thing I'm looking forward to most:The next 5 years…

73. The thing I'm not looking forward to doing:Staying still…

72. Today:I grew up just a little…

71. This summer:Got lost in work.

70. This week:I graduated to the classical flute…

62. The person who knows the most about me: Aush & Mals

61. The person who can read me the best is: Aush

60. The most difficult thing to do is:Let go…

54. First time you had a crush:6th Standard (11 years of age), Tennis Club

52. Last time someone said what you were thinking:Last Tuesday…about how when 2 people know each other, you can spend a long time not saying anything…and its totally comfortable…

50. What is your dream job:I have a dream…I just don’t know which one it is…

49. First job:Business Function Consultant in an IT company

46. I hope:…therefore I am

45. The worst sound in the world is:The silence when someone is angry or upset

44. The person that makes me cry the most:No one

35. Florida or Hawaii:Neither

33. My favorite piece of clothing:Jeans and a T-shirt

30. My friends are:…the ones around whom I pretend the least

29. My computer:Is my window to explore….me and the rest of the world

28. The school I go to:Went to…Loreto Convent School, Engg Graduate from Mumbai, MBA from Goa…which one do you mean?

22. The all-time best movie is:Too many

21. The all-time best thing in the world is:An arm around your shoulders

20. Last thing you ate:Sandwich

19. The most annoying thing ever is:…this list just doesn’t end…

18. The most annoying person you know is:…I might get disowned on this one…

17. I lose all respect for people that/who:Who pretend to be artificially “cute”

16. The movies I have cried at are:Movies with silent tender moments…with some beautiful song playing in the background…(this is so ruining my image!!!)

15. Last phone call:I spoke to someone in my sleep….

14. TV shows you watch:Many but a special mention to F.R.I.E.N.D.S….We used to be fanatic fans right from when it started…. I think of the first 7 seasons, I have watched each episode about 8-9 times at least.

13. Last friend you hung out with?H & G…at waterfall rappelling

12. I want to be:Just Me

11. The worst pain I ever felt:Nothing Major yet

9. My room is:Books and book marks on the bed….

8. My favorite celebrity is:No one…

6. My favorite colors:Maroon, Blue

5. My weakness is:Food & Books

3. Who broke your heart:No comments!

2. One thing that makes you feel great is:Definitely no comments!

1. Love and the potential of being hurt OR never loved but never hurt?
Love and the potential of being hurt

I just noticed..loads of numbers missing in the list above.... oh man..imagine if thr were 200...