It doesn't interest me...

From: http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/

Hat Tip: http://frommetome.blogspot.com/

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

A tragicomedy in 2 Acts

I am stuck as Lucky while I'm Waiting for Godot

"Yes, let's go.
They do not move."

Bavra Mann - Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi

bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna ..

bavrese mann ki dekho bavri hain baatein
bavrisi dhadkane hain bavri hain saanse
bavrisi karwanto se nindiya kyon bhaage
bavrese nain chahe bawre zarokhon se bavre naazaroon ko takna

bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna

bavrese is jahan mein bawra ek saath ho
is saayani bheed mein bass haathon mein tera haath ho
bavrisi dhun ho koi bavra ek raag ho
bavrese pair chahe bawre tarano ke bavrese bol pe thirkana

bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna

bavrasa ho andhera bavri ho khamoshiyaan
thartharati lav ho matthamm bavri madhoshiyaan
bavra ek gunghata hole hole dinn batayein bavrese mukhadese
bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna

Here's the audio playing over the final credits of the movie (Courtesy: YouTube)

Delhi - An eye opener

Its been called the city of djinns by William Dalrymple, its been written about by countless authors, its been featured in many movies. Its been called a mistress by some, a lover by others and has been endlessly romanticized.

Its also been painted in all the negative colours possible by the media, well the Mumbai based media anyways.
The last time I was there, was 10 years ago, much before Delhi was the land of the metro. This was also my first trip alone to the city alone and to put it mildly i was terrified. I had imagined all the wrong scenarios there were to be imagined. I had painted my kidnapping, and worse. I had made contingency plans for anything that could go wrong.

As I stepped out of the airport, I clutched on tighter to my bag, reluctant to let any porter/ driver take it away from me. I was rewarded with a crick in my back for my trouble. As the car left the airport, I noticed the broad sweeping highways, the almost forest like greenery around, the absence of any heavy traffic. I was unmoved, determined to hold on to my stereotype notion of the city. I steadfastly told myself that these were just areas close to the airport and hence were well built. As I entered the city, I told myself, I was sure to encounter chaos. But the city came but the chaos didn't. The roads remained as wide as before, no apperance of any potholes, less traffic on the roads, and most surprising of all, trees! trees, trees, trees! I mean it didn't seem like I was in a major metro. Even when we came into residential areas, though the roads got narrow the beauty remained. And through the remainder of my stay there, I never went sight seeing. Just by travelling through the city, I was left with images of well organized roads and beautiful wide flyovers and trees trees trees. And haven't even mentioned the metro coz frankly I never travelled by it.

As I left the city I had to grudgingly accept that it was a nice city, one that I must come back to someday. And see what makes Delhi (as a friend of mine said) "the most romantic city he's ever known".

This little world of mine

"We get to choose who we let into our wierd little worlds"... Good Will Hunting.

I choose you.

Quirky Me

1)In the days of young, when I had to move through the house, instead of walking I used to pretend to be riding a bike, complete with the engine noise. I used to make the pretend engine noise using my lips..."brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" with my hands outstreched in front as if holding handlebars. My imaginary bike.

2) When asked "What you doing?", I am capable of saying, "Lying on the sofa and being cute"

3)Washing vessels (the regular way with my hands, not using a dishwasher): Makes me extraordinarily happy and revitalizes me. And I can do this in the middle of the night after a long tired day. It refreshes me. I sometimes get out of control and wash more vessels then required.

4)I arrange all my cosmetics in my wardrobe by height order, but sometimes I let 2 hair products remain together even if one is short and one is tall. Just because they are "friends". I'm nice like that.

5) I make excel sheets for everything. For everything! A friend and I once were planning for a weekend trip out of town. We made an excel sheet.

6)I create stories in my head complete with bollywood style song and dance routine and background melodramatic scores, while travelling, to entertain myself. I am that person smiling to herself in the bus.

7)I get high on food. All cute and giggly. I do.

8)I have to (HAVE TO!) do a 360 degree turn in bed before I find my comfort position and fall asleep. But the 360 degree turn is essential.

9) Most people tend to hit and slap/shake machines when they don't work like they are supposed to or get slow. You will see this specially with CPUs. I talk to them gently and try to motivate them by bringing out their good points. I have my Machine Management skills in place.

10)When I walking with 3-4 people or more, I can never walk in a straight line. I walk across the 4 people in front of them so that I can converse with all of them.Then I cross back in front of them to my side. I had a friend who used to throw pebbles at my legs because of this habit.

Friends & Family, thank you for still loving me.

Bhaage re mann

Beheta hai mann kahin, kahaan jaante nahin -2 koyi rokle yahin
Bhaage re mann kahin, aage re mann chala, jaane kidhar jaanu na -2
Beheta hai mann kahin, kahaan jaante nahin, koyi rokle yahin
Bhaage re mann kahin, aage re mann chala, jaane kidhar jaanu na -2

Aa...haanâ,aaâ, Hoâ, chale thhandi hawaâ, hoâ, sang mann bhi gaya
Dhhundhhu main kahaan usko, batlaaye koyi mujhko
Ke haan haan haan re
Bhaage re mann kahin, aage re mann chala, jaane kidhar jaanu na -2
Beheta hai mann kahin, kahaan jaante nahin, koyi rokle yahin

Haanâ haaye aisa samaâ, hmmâ, phir hoga kahaan
Jee loon main isse khulke, saawan bhi zara khulke
Arre sun sun sun
Bhaage re mann kahin, aage re mann chala, jaane kidhar jaanu na -2
Beheta hai mann kahin, kahaan jaante nahin, koyi rokle yahin
Bhaage re mann kahin, aage re mann chala, jaane kidhar jaanu na -2

-Chameli (2003)

My Office

What I really want to say in the upcoming appraisal:

"Look, would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?"

- Arthur to Slartibartfast in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

In the darkness

I sit in the semi darkness with a single birthday candle burning, in a steel bowl on my Mosaic tiled floor. The birthday candles are replacements for misplaced candles and torches so often used in the power cuts that haunt this city.

I switch birthday candles every 10 minutes. As I pass the 3rd birthday, I get tired of the routine and let the unused 17 candles lie the box. As the last candle burns out, I move to sit on the sofa near the window so that I can feel some remnants of the soft cool breeze that followed the humid afternoon and the off-season drizzles this evening.

I sit in the darkness staring out of the window. Most of the windows in the apartment building opposite my window are dark. It's any one's guess whether there is anyone sitting in the darkness on this Wednesday evening. A single window throws the faint glow that could only come from a candle. I see and hear things that one only notices in complete darkness, when there are no distractions - no TV or laptop, no books and its too risky to use the phone for fear of the battery running out before the power comes back on.

Somewhere in darkness outside a hear a baby crying. I hear the mother murmuring something to the baby. I hear faint sound of music coming from a nearby apartment. I imagine a family or a group of friends sitting around a battery operated music player or a laptop listening to music. I hear footsteps in the corridor outside. Voices calling out to each other. I hear dogs barking in the distance. I check the door locks again and go back to my sofa. I see little. Imagine a little too much. :-)

I look at the window a floor up - across from my apartment. I see someone, possibly a guy from the shape of his head and hair standing in the window trying to catch some of the night breeze. I see he's decided to risk the phone battery. And wonder who he's talking to.

I try practicing the flute for a bit. I feel a little less guilty about ignoring it for most part of the year, after I've spent some 30 mins or so practicing. I wonder what my neighbours think of the strange noises emanating from my house in the darkness.

I sit back, leaning against the cushions and stare at the ceiling. Strange patterns form on the ceiling and walls from the headlights of cars passing. I think of people leaving their houses to escape the darkness, driving off to dinner, or possibly just driving off.

I sit back wondering whether I should turn in early and for once get a full night's sleep. But the lights come back on suddenly. I blink for a second or two and go back to my distractions. I don't even notice the windows opposite me.

Random Lines

The Shallow End

funny
witty

intelligent
well read

nice
sweet

gorgeous
taunt
hard

Putting them deeper down the list
Doesn't make the thoughts any shallower
***********************************************
Finding Heaven

The neck disappears
Into the stillness of the collar front

The skin taunt behind the ears
Begging to be touched

The hair, jet black
Waiting to be clutched

The hands reaching out
Creating gaps for my form

The mouth, making guttural murmurings
Me imagining the back of your throat

The body, hidden behind the pulpit
Imploring me to think about God.

And me thinking about Heaven.

***********************************************
Hey, you condescending fool

Hey, you condescending fool
We're showing you the door
Come down your cash ladder
Pick you'self up off the floor

Hey, you condescending fool
Get your head out of the sand
Stop blowing up our land
We don't need no helping hand

Hey, you condescending fool
Get your logic really clear
Count the dead and check the maims
You are the "terrorism" fear

Hey, you condescending fool
Stop calling it i-raaak
You're killin our babies
Stop shooting in the dark

Hey, you condescending fool
You're installing death on the fly
Take your guns and take your tanks
Its time to say good-bye.

You condescending fool
Its time to say good-bye.